Dream

Dear,

it's such a coincidence that the night before I just wrote to you and straight away I dreamt about you.

It's the second time I dreamt of you actually. The first time was a week before, I dreamt about our happy times together. This time was different.

The setup was in your office and I believe was after your death, as Boon Chuan and I was around to help tidy you your belongings. However, this time, it seems to be much further down the years where you have shifted to a new office, and have a big office of your own, like those rich managers on TV, with a big office. Irene was in the dream as well but I've forgotten the details involving her.

As the dream goes on, some how, I was talking to you and you told me this...

"Next time, don't put the tube in my mouth. It was really painful"

Oh god, do you know the impact that caused me. Straight away I became aware I was dreaming and awoke. My heart was racing. Yet, I wanted to hear more and forced myself to sleep.

But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried. In fact, the more consciously I force myself to sleep, the more conscious I became.

I started recalling the first night you were in hospital. We called out to you and saw you tearing, saw you struggling, like in an attempt to wake up. Doctors told us it could be just natural reflects from your brain damage. I don't know. Maybe he's right, maybe he's not.

But if you were struggling because it was painful, dear, I do not know how to help you also. Your breathing had stopped and was relying on that tube to maintain your breathing. There's no way the doc will remove it. If only you had open your eyes, then maybe things might have been different.