Another week has passed

Dear,

this weekend was the second time i put evan on the play mat.
Last week, when i first put him there, he did not crawl. It seems like he's used to crawling on soft surfaces like mattresses and sofas, which offers him lots of friction for his knees.
But once on the plat mat, which is rather smooth, his knees keeps slipping and he could not move forward. It frustrated him so much he cried; because he could not reached his toys.

But this week, he finally moved, although it was only 2 steps. This is because i only assembled a 4x4 grid which for his height is quite short. I didn't realise he could get over it so quickly. In fact, while learning to crawl, he even managed to put himself into a sitting position, twice, and sit without hand support for a while.

While I watched him learn and grow, I can't help but cry and wish that you were also here to see all this and share the surprises and joys with me. I remember the time when we were trying to "force" Evan to drink his milk, but he keep rejecting. You pretended you were angry and scolded him. To our surprise, he scolded you back. It was so funny we roll over with laughter. I really missed those times.

I know those times will not come back, but it's really hard not to long for them.

Sometimes, I still hope that the hospital has mixed you up someone that looks like you. With all the equipment around your face, we wrongly identified you as well. Somewhere, somehow, you recoverred from your collapse but maybe loss your memory and is currently recuperating. Some day, we'll see each other on the street and that jolted your memory back. We then hug each other and cry right there and then; just like in the movies.

How I wished that this miracle will happen.

Last night, I dreamt about you again.
Try as I might, I can't remember the story, but I know there was a choice between two options that you have to make and you chose one that seems to be influenced by me. I asked you if that was true, but you asked that it does not matter, and gave me the expression that it does not matter anymore since you were already dead.

I forgotten the dream cos I did not immediately write it down. Next time, I'll put a notebook and pen next to me. I want to remember and note down anything and everything about you. We took that for granted and now, we pay the price of not having enough memories of the few years we had together.

I'll not make that mistake for Evan.
Please help me remember should I forget.