Happy Birthday

Dear,

hope you enjoyed the birthday celebration last week and the cake I bought for you today.

actually, the cake isn't very nice, but it's from one of the best vegetarian bakery so i guess there might not be a better option. Nevertheless, I'll try to get better ones for you next time.

I know the uncle at the temple told me that crying only makes you feel worse, but I really can't help it. When I realized that this is going to be the way I can celebrate your birthday from now on, I can feel nothing but pain.

Baby said in facebook that you came to her in her dreams to tell us that you're doing fine over there. I'm happy for you, yet at the same time, I do not know if that's the whole truth.

I remember during the celebration last week at the temple, we brought Evan along to see you. Our intention at the temple was only for the monk to conduct the rites so we only brought you a simple vegetarian cake. We thought you might like to try some non-vegetarian food so we planned for the main celebration at the crematorium instead.

In our rush to start the celebration there for you, we neglected the fact that the temple is the only place you'll get to see Evan (cos I told you previously that we'll not be bringing Evan to the crematorium). I realized that's probably the reason you kept us there for so long; cos you wanted to see Evan more. If it's not bec Evan start throwing tantrum cos he's sleepy, you'll probably not let us leave. I felt so sad when I realized this part.

At the crematorium, when you started answering your mum's questions so ambiguously over what happened at the temple, I could not bare to tell them the answer. It'll only spoil everyone's mood and good intentions to celebrate your last birthday with you. I'm glad you're so understanding and did not give us a hard time eventually. It is a great consolation to everyone that you finally agree to celebrate with us.

You've always been so kind and understanding. That's why everyone loves you. That's why I love you so so dearly. I miss you so so dearly.

I know you miss Evan dearly as well. Now that your mum is going back to Ipoh for a while, do watch over Evan for her sake and ours as well.

Lastly, where possible, find a means to bring peace to her heart. In fact, find a means to bring peace to all our aching hearts. Come visit us in our dreams more often. We'll only be too glad to talk to you.

Happy Birthday, Dear.
I love you forever.