Saturday, October 22, 2011
Kiss
Dear
I finally dream of u again.
This time was that i was talking with some friends abt going to the movies. There were some elaborate planning which lead me to comment that I am lucky to have them to do the planning and u to go with, to the movie.
The image then change to two couples, lying on the ground, side by side with the ladies lying prone on top of the guys. I've no idea who were the other couple, but we were discussing about scary movies where there are mysterious hands touching the legs of the viewers in the cinema. You said you're not afraid but I was teasing that you will be. As we were "arguing", I silence you by giving you a kiss. We kissed for the a while. Then you smiled at me. It was so sweet.
Nothing was disturbing my sleep, but yet, at that point in time, I woke up.
I guessed I must have some how realized that this is not real.
Sigh... If only it was....
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Happy Birthday to Me
Dear,
it was such a sad day, that day was.
In fact, the whole week, the days leading to it were just as sad.
That's because I couldn't helping thinking that from now onwards, I can only share my birthday with you in the temple and no where else. our assets
Can no longer look forward to having a nice meal with you, a nice outing with you, a nice present from you on that day anymore.
That day will never be the same without you.
It hurt so bad just thinking about it.
Dear, yet even so, I'm so happy you agreed to share that piece of cake and coffee with me that morning.
That thought keep me going for the rest of the day.
Being busy in office helps a lot.
Think I'll do that from now on.
I need to save my leaves for Evan anyway.
You know, I'm almost done with settling your assets.
Just some small hickups but easily solve once I find the time to do it.
As you know, I'll be at ICT these 2 weeks.
I'll miss going to see you in the morning. It has always been something I look forward to every week.
Dear, I asked you to look for me, of not any other days, at least during my birthday.
Why have you not come?
Nevertheless, I'll continue to hope that one day, you find your way into my dreams.
I hope we can have a good chat then, and do some catching up for the time we've lost.
Looking forward to seeing you then.
I miss you and love you.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Mooncake Party
Dear.
Hope u enjoyed the mooncakes we brought u.
U know, I did not really wanted to buy any of the raffles mookcakes this year. Every year, the mooncakes r mainly for u. Now tat u r gone, there's no reason for me to buy them.
Yet somehow, I forced myself to buy, to keep the tradition going. And it's fortunate tat I did cos ur mum reminded me to bring u some mooncakes and the raffles ones comes in most appropriately. I hope u liked them, and got a chance to try them, with all the distraction for Evan going on there.
Evan is really growing now. Last few weeks, I was still worried tat he may not be interested in walking. But these few days, he's so into it tat all of us r tired from bending down to hold him while he walked.
He walked a lot at the zoo also. I learned a lot from this outing. What to prepare, what bag to use, what not to do. Yet some how I felt that the next outing for the two of us will be a whole new ball game since by then he would be different and more developed. Maybe it'll be easier. Cos this time, I was dead tired when i reached home. Evan's tired also but we preferred to continue playing and when he finally go to his bed tat night, he slept almost immediately after his milk. Thank goodness for tat as I can then sleep also.
Dear, there's so much to tell u abt Evan, and so much abt other things also. Mainly abt our good times together at places tat I visited these few months. Like the zoo, balestier road, one Rochester, and even every time I pass by ur office, I have this urge to stop and go in to take a look at the place u used to sit and the places I sat while accompanying u there.
I really missed u, dear.
Miss u so so much.
Hope u enjoyed the mooncakes we brought u.
U know, I did not really wanted to buy any of the raffles mookcakes this year. Every year, the mooncakes r mainly for u. Now tat u r gone, there's no reason for me to buy them.
Yet somehow, I forced myself to buy, to keep the tradition going. And it's fortunate tat I did cos ur mum reminded me to bring u some mooncakes and the raffles ones comes in most appropriately. I hope u liked them, and got a chance to try them, with all the distraction for Evan going on there.
Evan is really growing now. Last few weeks, I was still worried tat he may not be interested in walking. But these few days, he's so into it tat all of us r tired from bending down to hold him while he walked.
He walked a lot at the zoo also. I learned a lot from this outing. What to prepare, what bag to use, what not to do. Yet some how I felt that the next outing for the two of us will be a whole new ball game since by then he would be different and more developed. Maybe it'll be easier. Cos this time, I was dead tired when i reached home. Evan's tired also but we preferred to continue playing and when he finally go to his bed tat night, he slept almost immediately after his milk. Thank goodness for tat as I can then sleep also.
Dear, there's so much to tell u abt Evan, and so much abt other things also. Mainly abt our good times together at places tat I visited these few months. Like the zoo, balestier road, one Rochester, and even every time I pass by ur office, I have this urge to stop and go in to take a look at the place u used to sit and the places I sat while accompanying u there.
I really missed u, dear.
Miss u so so much.
Monday, August 8, 2011
National Day
Dear,
how time flies.
It's national day tomorrow, a holiday.
I used to look forward to these days, but now, it just feels like any other day.
So what if I have the whole day free?
You r not around to spend it with me.
last weekend, my parents and i brought evan to IMM.
These weekly trips are just as meaningless to me without you.
But I forced myself to go along with it cos I know it'll be good for evan to see the world. There's much comfort in seeing him happy.
We had no motive for going IMM actually.
It's just a place to be, away from the house.
As we walked around the place, I can't help recalling the last time we were there.
I can't really remember if that was before or after you gave birth, but i know 5 of us were there... ur mum, my parents and us. I remember I bought that red puma t-shirt there.
While driving home from there, I was still thinking about you.
My tears starts rolling... I couldn't help it.
Luckily it was dark in the car and no one saw me crying.
I let everyone off at the house, and drove the car to park alone.
I finally had some private time to cry out.
I really really missed you, dear.
I cried and cried, and realised that I cried a lot like Evan.
He really knows how to use his crying now.
I'll have to start controlling and disciplining him soon, before he picked up all the bad habits.
He's growing up day by day, and we've grown so attached to each other.
He's also very attached to your mum.
And I guess likewise for your mum to him.
Now she's talking about only leting Evan goes to school after chinese new year... one full year after your death.
I do not know how to react to this actually.
My mum also memtioned that with tuti around, there's actually no need to send Evan to school so early.
My rationale is for him to start learning as soon as possible, cos he's just wasting time at home.
No one in my house, or yours, is capable of teaching him anything.
And at his age, he does not know what's school anyway.
As long as it's fun, he'll go... and boy does he loves to go out.
For this very reason, I do not think I'll delay sending him to school.
As it is, other kids have both parents around to take turns to educate their child daily.
I hardly have the time and energy to do this after work.
I do not want him to missed learning at the time he's most receptive.
Worse still if he picks up bad habits in the meantime.
Well, i guess it's decided then.
I am sorry your mum can't be enjoying Evan more, but if she wants what's best for Evan, she'll not object to this.
Help give her the wisdom and strength to carry it out.
how time flies.
It's national day tomorrow, a holiday.
I used to look forward to these days, but now, it just feels like any other day.
So what if I have the whole day free?
You r not around to spend it with me.
last weekend, my parents and i brought evan to IMM.
These weekly trips are just as meaningless to me without you.
But I forced myself to go along with it cos I know it'll be good for evan to see the world. There's much comfort in seeing him happy.
We had no motive for going IMM actually.
It's just a place to be, away from the house.
As we walked around the place, I can't help recalling the last time we were there.
I can't really remember if that was before or after you gave birth, but i know 5 of us were there... ur mum, my parents and us. I remember I bought that red puma t-shirt there.
While driving home from there, I was still thinking about you.
My tears starts rolling... I couldn't help it.
Luckily it was dark in the car and no one saw me crying.
I let everyone off at the house, and drove the car to park alone.
I finally had some private time to cry out.
I really really missed you, dear.
I cried and cried, and realised that I cried a lot like Evan.
He really knows how to use his crying now.
I'll have to start controlling and disciplining him soon, before he picked up all the bad habits.
He's growing up day by day, and we've grown so attached to each other.
He's also very attached to your mum.
And I guess likewise for your mum to him.
Now she's talking about only leting Evan goes to school after chinese new year... one full year after your death.
I do not know how to react to this actually.
My mum also memtioned that with tuti around, there's actually no need to send Evan to school so early.
My rationale is for him to start learning as soon as possible, cos he's just wasting time at home.
No one in my house, or yours, is capable of teaching him anything.
And at his age, he does not know what's school anyway.
As long as it's fun, he'll go... and boy does he loves to go out.
For this very reason, I do not think I'll delay sending him to school.
As it is, other kids have both parents around to take turns to educate their child daily.
I hardly have the time and energy to do this after work.
I do not want him to missed learning at the time he's most receptive.
Worse still if he picks up bad habits in the meantime.
Well, i guess it's decided then.
I am sorry your mum can't be enjoying Evan more, but if she wants what's best for Evan, she'll not object to this.
Help give her the wisdom and strength to carry it out.
New House
Dear,
We're back to looking at houses again, this time.
We were looking at the model of a new housing development in Singapore. It's the first development on island and the island is at the extreme south east. Now that I thought about it, there's no island in the south east of Singapore. In fact, it looks like a cluster of small land being joined together to form the island.
As good as it looks, like some marina, U were lamenting how far it is to go to work from there. On this I showed u on the model how u can go along the airport coastal road and then onto ecp and then aye...
At this point I woke u from the sound of my alarm. U know, talking to u then was so natural that I almost did not realize u were gone. It's as if u were still always with me. If only this was real
We're back to looking at houses again, this time.
We were looking at the model of a new housing development in Singapore. It's the first development on island and the island is at the extreme south east. Now that I thought about it, there's no island in the south east of Singapore. In fact, it looks like a cluster of small land being joined together to form the island.
As good as it looks, like some marina, U were lamenting how far it is to go to work from there. On this I showed u on the model how u can go along the airport coastal road and then onto ecp and then aye...
At this point I woke u from the sound of my alarm. U know, talking to u then was so natural that I almost did not realize u were gone. It's as if u were still always with me. If only this was real
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Wedding Again
Dear,
How strange.
I dreamt about our wedding dinner.
Our second wedding dinner to be exact.
I actually knew, even in my dream, that it was our second wedding.
Why are we having a second wedding?
Is this a sign that you'll be coming back to me, and we decided to commemorate the reunion with this celebration?
The dream covered quite a lot of details. A lot were like the first... busy running here and there to get things organized... but sadly, I've forgotten the details the moment I woke up. This I do not regret. What I regret is that I do not remember us talking much during the whole event... just like the first time. We were both so busy organizing things. Make you wonder if the wedding dinner was for us or for the attendees...
You know. Dreaming about the dinner makes me recall our first wedding dinner. I was so drunk that night that I fell asleep in the bath tub and later on the bed. I remember you told me later that you finished all the food by yourself and then went to bed beside me. How stupid of me to missed our official first night like that. How silly of me to get myself so drunk. But then again, why not, I'm so happy that day. Big contrast to how I'm feeling now.
Well, does not matter... if you're really coming back to me.
We'll have the whole life time to talk this time round.
Looking forward to that day.
I miss you dearly.
How strange.
I dreamt about our wedding dinner.
Our second wedding dinner to be exact.
I actually knew, even in my dream, that it was our second wedding.
Why are we having a second wedding?
Is this a sign that you'll be coming back to me, and we decided to commemorate the reunion with this celebration?
The dream covered quite a lot of details. A lot were like the first... busy running here and there to get things organized... but sadly, I've forgotten the details the moment I woke up. This I do not regret. What I regret is that I do not remember us talking much during the whole event... just like the first time. We were both so busy organizing things. Make you wonder if the wedding dinner was for us or for the attendees...
You know. Dreaming about the dinner makes me recall our first wedding dinner. I was so drunk that night that I fell asleep in the bath tub and later on the bed. I remember you told me later that you finished all the food by yourself and then went to bed beside me. How stupid of me to missed our official first night like that. How silly of me to get myself so drunk. But then again, why not, I'm so happy that day. Big contrast to how I'm feeling now.
Well, does not matter... if you're really coming back to me.
We'll have the whole life time to talk this time round.
Looking forward to that day.
I miss you dearly.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Packing
Dear,
It's almost 5 months...
a lot of your stuffs are still lying here and there in our room.
Last sunday, I finally found the determination to go thru them and start packing things up. I bought 3 containers to put your stuffs, our stuffs...
one, i put in all our wedding stuffs, the albums, the banner, the pillow, the tapes...
this one i can show to evan when he's older... "see, look how happy your mummy and daddy is on the wedding day"
one, i put in all your daily stuffs from the wardrobe, your bag, the dressing table. this one i can show evan what his mummy use to use on a daily basis, including ur spectacles, ur watches, ur makeup kit, ur mirror, ur hair band, ur clothes and so much more.
one, i put in all your bags. those bags are so expensive, dear, and it's really a waste that I do not give them to others to use, or even to sell them. But, they bring back so much memories and i just bare to part with them.
All of these now rest under my bed, where I can feel close to them. Do come back to look at them when u r free ok.... btw, while you r back, take a look at our wardrobe, I've paste a lot of our pictures and evan's on the door. Evan likes to come in to our room to look at them also....
Our room looks so much neater, now that I've packed up. These extra space will be taken up by more messes in due time, as always... only this time, it's only mine, no longer ours....
Feels even emptier now that your stuffs are out of sight.
Sigh, maybe I shouldn't pack....
It's almost 5 months...
a lot of your stuffs are still lying here and there in our room.
Last sunday, I finally found the determination to go thru them and start packing things up. I bought 3 containers to put your stuffs, our stuffs...
one, i put in all our wedding stuffs, the albums, the banner, the pillow, the tapes...
this one i can show to evan when he's older... "see, look how happy your mummy and daddy is on the wedding day"
one, i put in all your daily stuffs from the wardrobe, your bag, the dressing table. this one i can show evan what his mummy use to use on a daily basis, including ur spectacles, ur watches, ur makeup kit, ur mirror, ur hair band, ur clothes and so much more.
one, i put in all your bags. those bags are so expensive, dear, and it's really a waste that I do not give them to others to use, or even to sell them. But, they bring back so much memories and i just bare to part with them.
All of these now rest under my bed, where I can feel close to them. Do come back to look at them when u r free ok.... btw, while you r back, take a look at our wardrobe, I've paste a lot of our pictures and evan's on the door. Evan likes to come in to our room to look at them also....
Our room looks so much neater, now that I've packed up. These extra space will be taken up by more messes in due time, as always... only this time, it's only mine, no longer ours....
Feels even emptier now that your stuffs are out of sight.
Sigh, maybe I shouldn't pack....
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