National Day

Dear,

how time flies.
It's national day tomorrow, a holiday.
I used to look forward to these days, but now, it just feels like any other day.
So what if I have the whole day free?
You r not around to spend it with me.

last weekend, my parents and i brought evan to IMM.
These weekly trips are just as meaningless to me without you.
But I forced myself to go along with it cos I know it'll be good for evan to see the world. There's much comfort in seeing him happy.

We had no motive for going IMM actually.
It's just a place to be, away from the house.
As we walked around the place, I can't help recalling the last time we were there.
I can't really remember if that was before or after you gave birth, but i know 5 of us were there... ur mum, my parents and us. I remember I bought that red puma t-shirt there.

While driving home from there, I was still thinking about you.
My tears starts rolling... I couldn't help it.
Luckily it was dark in the car and no one saw me crying.
I let everyone off at the house, and drove the car to park alone.
I finally had some private time to cry out.
I really really missed you, dear.

I cried and cried, and realised that I cried a lot like Evan.
He really knows how to use his crying now.
I'll have to start controlling and disciplining him soon, before he picked up all the bad habits.
He's growing up day by day, and we've grown so attached to each other.

He's also very attached to your mum.
And I guess likewise for your mum to him.
Now she's talking about only leting Evan goes to school after chinese new year... one full year after your death.
I do not know how to react to this actually.
My mum also memtioned that with tuti around, there's actually no need to send Evan to school so early.
My rationale is for him to start learning as soon as possible, cos he's just wasting time at home.
No one in my house, or yours, is capable of teaching him anything.
And at his age, he does not know what's school anyway.
As long as it's fun, he'll go... and boy does he loves to go out.
For this very reason, I do not think I'll delay sending him to school.
As it is, other kids have both parents around to take turns to educate their child daily.
I hardly have the time and energy to do this after work.
I do not want him to missed learning at the time he's most receptive.
Worse still if he picks up bad habits in the meantime.

Well, i guess it's decided then.
I am sorry your mum can't be enjoying Evan more, but if she wants what's best for Evan, she'll not object to this.
Help give her the wisdom and strength to carry it out.