Evan's Birthday

Dear,

Evan's finally gonna be 1 tomorrow.
Somehow, this milestone seems so significant in your absence.
It also means that you've been gone for 4 months already.
I still miss you so much.
Hearing your named mentioned by anyone still brings tears to my eyes.

Evan went back to Ipoh to celebrate his chinese birthday.
Back there, he was suyppose to choose between abacus, pen, ruler, and book.
Guess what, he chosed exactly like you - abacus and ruler.
My mum told me b4 I chosed the pen.
Guess he's really more like you than me.
We even went to eat seafood at Tok Alang. The prawns there are suppose to be very famous. Indeed, they are rather tasty, but I remembered you were suppose to bring me there and that made me sad.
In fact, going to Ipoh never fails to make me sad, as it always brought back memories of our time there.

Two things did came out right from the trip though.
One, your mum finally agreed to let me bring Evan home for 3 days.
Two, we were finally able to hear from you, thru the medium.
She doesn't really sound like you, but according to feima, it gets better over time.
I sure hope so.

Back in Singapore, my family celebrated with Evan last sunday.
Evan had a pretty good time also. So much so that he tired himself out and slept until 8pm before getting up for his dinner.
Remember he came to see you at the temple?
He has really grown right?

Sadly, your mum came to know about the sunday's celebration and got really angry cos it will supposedly hurt you. U know me, I can't really be bothered by customs, and have accomodated a lot since your death. It's mainly to help make your mum feel better. But frankly, this is not the life for me. I cannot alter myself and my life just so to make everyone happy. I decided I need to live back my own life. This is the only way I can buck up and do the right thing for Evan.

This mean that I'll do anything, even if it means offending your mum. I know you do not want this, but u know how stubborn your mum is right. I'm not exactly a patient person either. If things turns sour.... for whatever reason, just know that I've really done what I can at my current state. I really have. I've also never been this patient with you right.

Frankly speaking, my well-being is more important than your mum. Evan needs me more than your mum. You can call me selfish, but Evan is the most important and therefore I'm the next most important. Anyone else's feelings are secondary. I know you love both Evan and your mum, but you have to make a choice in this case.

Enuf complaining.

This post is suppose to tell you how much I enjoy seeing Evan happily, celebrating his birthday. No one else can make me this happy these days. Seeing him grow up so fast, makes me worried that I might miss those precious moments. Nevertheless, it is a happy moment.

If only you were here to share this joy with me. Even where you are now, I'm sure you'll be happy to know that Evan is growing up happily. I love him so much. I love you so much.