Last road trip to ipoh

Dear,

The last trip to Ipoh was very significant, both psychologically as well as physically.
Either I’m sensitive or there somehow seems to be so many events of significant happening.

First, even before the trip, things happened already. I went to the petrol station to fill up 2 days before the trip.
I asked the attendant to fill up as much as possible. Think the attendant was very ice to oblige, although it took much longer than normal.
However, after I paid and went back to the car, the petrol tank cap was no where to be found.
I panicked immediately as the tank was so full so run the risk of overflowing when driving.
I refused to move the car even though I’m blocking the exit, much to the annoyance of the uncle blocked by me.
Thank goodness I manage to buy a cap at Alexandra eventually.

And even before this, remember my thermostat assembly overheated and burst.
Lucky it happened before the trip, and as a result of the repair, the car servicing was done.
Actually, the servicing was overdue but I jus could not find the time and mood to do it.
Guess things does have a way of righting itself, even if we choose to ignore them.

Do you know that since that fill up, I drove for 2 days in Singapore and then to Ipoh, and still have a quarter tank left.
Goes to show that the tank is really a 60 litre one.
The best part (or worst part) about this is that we did not stop much on the way to Ipoh, i.e. I did not get to rest much.
And lucky for that, cos we were stuck in a large jam, and also I took a wrong turn before Nilai.
All in all, it took me 8 hr to get to Ipoh.
I even chance upon a colleague at the R&R, although I did not really talk to her.

The stay at Ipoh was short indeed. One of the shortest I guess, just 3 days (plus the 2 days to come and go).
Everyday started late in the morning with the usual breakfast, and then it’s either back to the house or some shopping at Jusco.
Evan enjoyed himself a lot climbing up the stairs.
First, he was assisted by me, which made me really tired going up and down.
Soon, he was climbing up on his own, but I was right behind him, just in case he falls backwards.
He even did something that surprised everyone.
You know the chair that your grandma always sits in.
Evan noticed that and on the third day, as your grandma came down the stairs, he waited for her and led her to her chair.
It was so sweet, although he didn’t really allow her to hug or carry him. He did that to most of the ppl except for the few he’s familiar with, including Evonne.

Evonne is really getting very spoilt.
I guess it’s because no one really disciplines her.
Understandably so, since none of them are her parents and do not really dare to punish her.
But a child her age has to be disciplined.
I really felt like doing it but held back cos I really dun have to right to do so.
I guess the rest also feel this way.

The journey home was even more significant.
You remember I always put on a fresh coat of RainX on the windscreen before going Ipoh,
And always lament that it was not out to good use as there was no or not much rain during the drive.
Well, this time round, I have more than enough of it, all the way from before KL to after Malacca.
Half the time, was heavy. Quarter of it was so heavy I cannot even see the road in front of me.
I had to rely on the GPS map to prepare me to swing left or right; thank goodness for GPS.
What made me curious was how slow the cars were during those raining period.
I thought Malaysian drivers should have been more experienced than me in such situation, and yet I was overtaking most of them, and I was not driving very fast.
I was so alert during the drive that I was so tired when we finally reach your house.
In my heart, I keep thinking this rainy journey is a tribute to my last road trip to Ipoh.
This thinking keep going on and on in my mind even when I was driving.

If you do not know by now, this will be my last road trip to Ipoh.
My car is 7 years old and I don’t feel safe using it for such roadtrips anymore, without a pre-inspection every time.
Furthermore, with your mum no longer in Singapore most of the time, I can’t be making the road trip with just Evan. It’ll be too difficult.
So from now on, I’ll be taking plane instead. Maybe coaches when Evan is older and easier to manage.
A typically trip will cost about $200, but CNY will be double.
OK for the 2 of us, but gets overly expensive with more ppl.

Well, as a result of the dispute, your mum can now officially rent out the whole house and get more income out of it.
A lot more than previously in fact, although now she’ll have to find some place to stay.
I would have offered my house if I had one.
Now, she temporarily stays at Yee’s house, up to CNY.
As you know, the house is not really that big, even when compared to your house.
I hope Evan dun feel too restricted over there, given he’s accustom to big places like your grandma’s place.
I hope even more that Yee dun feel uncomfortable about this arrangement, cos suddenly, there’re so many things and ppl in her house.
It sort of disrupted her peace and privacy I guess. But luckily it’s only for a couple of months.
I’m really thankful for her for accommodating this.

Now, that we’ve moved out of your house to Yee’s house, it really feels like a lot of chapters in my life is closing.
I hope it signifies things should move on and change from now on, especially for your mum.
The last event, or set of events will be during the CNY period.
Your mum will go back to Ipoh for a while… Evan will start school… Your death anniversary… The end of Tuti… my very own house…

Sometimes, I do look forward to these coming events… as if I’m yearning for a new chapter of my life to begin… Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
It’s not that I dun love you or miss you, yet, deep down, I know I can’t be grieving forever.

Whether my future is with Evan only or includes another person, I do not care.
I just wanted to feel as if there’s some future in my life to look towards.
Maybe it does not make sense to you, but I think I really needs it, else, the rest of my life, especially my work will suffer.
And that will not be good for Evan.
I’ll not let Evan forget you, nor your family and relatives.
However, given the new environment, I do foresee less contact.
As you know, I’m not really good and maintaining contacts, even with my own friends.
For Evan’s sake, I’ll do my best.

Another thing I’m looking forward to in my new life is to be able to face our photos and videos again.
I still do not dare to try and my body automatically avoids them.

I hope this feeling goes away soon.

I still misses you a lot, dear.
If only you were alive to share the joys I had with Evan.
I know you would have enjoyed every moment of it.
Please come back and look for me…..